


Candlenights in Xorhas

by bloodredberry



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, Holidays, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:26:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27905926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodredberry/pseuds/bloodredberry
Summary: It's the classic Christmas rom-com: the joyless, overworked city guy doesn't understand all the hubbub about the holidays.... until someone special comes along to show him the magic of the season. (Coincidentally, he can actually do magic. Because they're both wizards, baby!)Happy Candlenights, everyone :D
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 13
Kudos: 72





	1. Preparations

**Author's Note:**

> Quick note on setting: These events are set before (spoiler warning) Veth's transformation, so she'll be referred to as Nott here.
> 
> Also, truly ballsy of me to acknowledge winter's crest and choose to ignore it, but candlenights absorbs all winter holidays sorry i didn't make the rules y'all

“Okayokayokayokayokay!” Jester’s voice rose above the noise of crosstalk in the living room of the Xorhaus. “Here is what I am going to do. We can ask Essek to teleport us, but only after I scry on him, just a little bit, to see if he is in a good mood and everything so he isn’t upset or anything okay? I know he liiiikes us, but that way we can be sure! And we will still get there in time!” Yasha replied, “We are sure it’s a good idea to spy on him like that? He is our friend now, yes?”  
Caduceus nodded. “We want him to trust us. It might be better to just ask honestly.”   
“Yeeeeah, I knowwww, but we tried that, and and and we goofed it all up last time and so I’m just going to spy only a little! I won’t be creepy or anything and besides he is probably just doing boring office stuff anyway. I just want to make suuuuure, Caduceus!”   
As she finished responding, they could all see at the center of the table where Jester had already begun casting, so around the table, they one by one shrugged and then leaned in to get a closer look. 

___________________

The first thing they heard was the voice of the Bright Queen. Jester almost didn’t recognize it at first; her tone was so casual, nothing like the commanding staccato she used when speaking with the Wildemount company. “I hope I’m not causing you any discomfort, Essek. I know you do not prefer to discuss personal matters.”   
Essek waved a hand in dismissal. “Well, seeing as you sent business out of the room, personal matters will be our honored guest for the moment.”   
She took a seat across from where Essek stood, and he followed. “I hope you know that If I seem to meddle in your personal affairs, it is unintentional. I only wish that you may have every joy in your young life. But I do not wish to exert influence over your decisions, and I certainly do not intend to push you into anything.”   
She looked relieved as Essek nodded. “I understand, my queen. Don’t trouble yourself about it. Please understand, I did not dislike any of the individuals you have…. introduced, it’s just that-“  
She chuckled at him and he grimaced. “No, don’t make excuses for me. I’m an old woman playing matchmaker, aren’t I? And I shouldn’t. I know you certainly have enough to occupy your mind without me trying to sweep any upstanding young person I see directly into your path.” He smiled at that, not about to admit the truth of the statement.   
She continued. “Besides, if ever you were to find your affections drawn in a certain direction, I want you to know that your joy would be mine. You know, you don’t have to find a ‘proper match’ from the royal den, or from our social circles. Who knows? You could meet someone while traveling far from the capital city, even perhaps a handsome stranger from the Empire…”   
Essek immediately flushed and looked down to hide his expression. “Ah. It seems you are as discerning as ever. I apologize if I-“ She cut him off with a wave of her hand.   
“You know that I try not to use my long life as an excuse to give you matronly advice. But if I may speak frankly for a moment?” Essek nodded resignedly. “A life in high places such as ours can be an exceedingly lonely one. And as your life grows longer, so too may your loneliness grow. If you can find someone who can take that loneliness from you, even a little bit, it does not do to let them go.”   
Her expression softened. “I know you are ambitious, and I see that these small joys rarely tempt you from your path. It is one of the reasons I chose you to serve as my Shadowhand, as you know. But if you will indulge me in one final piece of advice, I would tell you that as your days grow long, you must choose what will grow with you- love, or loneliness.  
But forgive me. I didn’t call you here to persuade you or even advise you. Only to reassure you that whatever decisions you make, my full support is behind you.”   
Essek shifted uncomfortably in his seat, seemingly grateful that the discussion seemed to be ending. “I do thank you for the advice. Still, as you say, I prefer to focus on other things. I feel I simply do not have the time to spare on such matters if I wish to direct myself towards greater things than these passing interests. I have many desires in life, but an attachment of this nature, though attractive, is far from chief among them.”   
The bright queen nodded to him and rose.   
“In that case, let us turn our attention back to matters of the kingdom. Shall I call business back into the room? There has been some unrest in the guilds of the lower districts…”

___________________

The scene faded as Jester gasped and let out a screech for almost a full minute. “Ohmygods did you hear did you hear what he said?” gasp “Didyouhearwhathesaid I think that means he has feelings for someone in the Empire! Do you think it’s one of us? FJORD- do you think it’s YOU?” Fjord blinked at her. “Um. Now why would you think that, Jessie?” Jester poked a finger towards his face. “Of COURSE Essek would like you! You are so big and strong and stuff like that! He is all fancy in his tower and hidden away from the world, and then one day you come in and sweep him off his feet, and it would be so romantic-“   
Fjord gave a laugh at that. “Okay, well, thank you Jes, but I don’t fancy Essek feels that way about me. And, uh, for the record, I don’t feel that way about him either.”   
Caleb felt a sudden coldness in his stomach. If this was going to turn into a conversation of finding out who Essek might have affections for, then speculation would eventually turn to him, even if he wasn’t on top of the list. There were only so many people in the room. He had to do something before that possibility came to pass.   
He stepped up to where Jester was still pointing to Fjord and squealing. “I do not want to sink your ship, Jester, but we have no reason to believe that he has feelings for any of us here. He is an important man and travels all over for the Queen. He probably met someone back in the empire that we do not even know about.” Jester crossed her arms. “Well, maybe he did, but still. He would be stupid not to like any of us. We are all very cool.”   
Caleb glanced to Nott and Beau in the corner, where they were executing a mischievous-looking handshake. He motioned to them, hoping Nott would come to his aid and help him put an end to this. “What about you, Nott? What do you think?” Nott gave her evilest smile. “I think that this is a perfect opportunity for a bet. We’ll all put money on who we think Essek likes. I, for one, bet one gold on the handsome wizard.” Caleb looked puzzled. “What is your guess, then, Nott? Who do you think the handsome wizard may have affections for?” “I meant you, Cay.”   
Caleb blanched and looked away. Thanks, Nott, but I was trying to divert attention away from myself. “Well. You flatter, I suppose. But I think I must go with the expert in this matter. Jester, if there is to be a wager, I will put my gold on your guess. Shall we both bet on Mr. Fjord?”  
The room descended into chaos as odds were raised and bets were placed. When it all shook out, there were two bets each for both Jester and Fjord, and one each on Caleb and Caduceus (“I just think their colors would go together very nicely,” said Yasha.) Caleb sighed with relief. At least more people would be watching the others than him the next time they paid Essek a visit, even if he couldn’t quite escape Nott’s keen eye, still trained on him from across the room. 

___________________

As it turned out, they didn’t ask Essek for a teleportation that day. Caduceus maintained that it would be too much like taking advantage of him, whatever his feelings might be, and eventually everyone else had come around. The moral high ground almost made up for the fact that no teleportation meant an additional week of travel, much of it in the rain, and all of it unpleasant. By the time the party got back to the Xorhaus from their mission, everyone was haggard, and a little cranky. Wearing on the edge of exhaustion after a long expedition, everyone fell into bed, and between a long mission and a greatly needed rest, it was weeks before any of them talked to the Shadowhand again. 

Caleb couldn’t help but be slightly relieved that he no longer needed to worry about his friends finding anything out. It’s not that he didn’t want them to know, exactly. He had long since chosen to trust them, and after all they had been through, maybe he owed it to them to reveal what was on his mind. But something made him want to keep it secret a little longer. He liked the way things were- he liked sharing a house with his friends, and going on missions even if they were tiresome at times, and he liked the girls finding new chaos to cause on every corner of the continent, and he liked sitting in the kitchen with Fjord and Caduceus, and he liked watching Caduceus work in their rooftop garden. He liked living far away from the Empire, mostly under the radar. He liked meeting with Essek to work on spells; he liked learning dunemancy, and he liked having the mage visit for dinner sometimes, where despite the shyness he recognized, he slipped so easily into their group of friends. He liked watching his friends coax him out of his aloofness, warming him up to his own personality, just like they had done for himself when they first met.  
Truth be told, Caleb couldn’t think of a single time when he had liked the way his life was going better than he did now. Maybe, if he was honest, he was a little afraid to let that all change, especially for the risk of a romance. And besides, even if Essek did have feelings for someone in the Empire, Caleb thought, it was almost laughable to suggest that it might be him. Like he said the first night, Essek surely met plenty of people. It wasn’t just that the chances were small mathematically, either. They had gotten off on the wrong foot more than once, and Caleb had to wince remembering how foolish he had appeared when they first met. There was no coming back from first impressions like that. No, he thought a little sadly, it was much better for him to focus on the friendships he had somehow managed to keep this long, and prepare himself to give cheers and congratulations to whatever relationship he might watch Essek have someday. And besides, he and Essek were men of ambition, just like the Queen had said. There was little time in that kind of life for a romantic attachment, but if the two could spend time together doing great things, he thought, that would be more than enough. 

So by the time the Candlenights season rolled around, Caleb thought it was just as well that everyone seemed to have forgotten the revelation of a possible crush. 

___________________

Even if they hadn’t seen the Shadowhand for a few weeks, he was still the first and greatest friend they had made in the city, and so it was only natural that they all wanted to invite him for their Candlenights dinner. Yasha made the invitations herself, using Jester’s pens to carefully draw out flowers with bright red petals like the ones that graced the winters of their home continent. Since Xorhas had its own set of holidays and celebrations, Beau wrote a note explaining that they hoped to gather some friends to celebrate the holiday of their old home with them. They turned out impressively nice. It was easy to forget how much skill Beau had gained in writing during her time at the Kobold Soul, and that combined with Yasha’s surprisingly skillful and gentle hand, had created some of the most charming pieces of stationery any of them could remember, even Jester.   
As the invitations were sealed and addressed, the room buzzed with excitement and nostalgia. Even if none of them had any special love for the Empire itself, it was hard not to miss the traditions of home. Caduceus was planning how he might find decorations for a candlenights celebration in Xorhas.  
“How far do you think we would need to travel to find familiar greenery? The plants here don’t seem like the type that fancy being strung along a windowsill.”   
Fjord shot him a sideways glance. “How do you know if plants want to be used as decorations?”   
“Well, you have to ask them,” Caduceus replied solemnly.   
“Just, like, ‘hey, plants, would you mind very much if we chopped off your heads and put them on our mantel for fun?’ That sounds like a rough conversation there.”  
“Well, it’s more like chopping off their arms. Which is still something you should always get consent for, yes.”   
Fjord just blinked dumbstruck at Caduceus in response as Beau chimed in. “I don’t know how you still manage to get weirder, man, but I’m with you. None of the plants around here really scream candlenights. But I’m thinking maybe we could make a fruit garland? Like with dried berries and stuff? My mom used to like those, and I hated the way she made them smell all fake, but I bet we could get them to look really nice.” Jester chimed in on that. “OOO, yes, and I could add glitter, and we could even make some of the berries glow like string lights! It will be just like a gingerbread house!” Her eyes widened. “Or I could make the entire house into a real gingerbread house! I cast spiritual weapon!! At third level!!!”   
A giant swirling peppermint appeared above her head, surrounded by spikes of red and green ribbon candy and gumdrops that flew about the house. She directed them around the kitchen, depositing sticky, sugary cheer onto every available surface as everyone frantically ducked out of the way to avoid the candy shards as they scattered. Technically, the candy would only exist for a minute, but what a terrifyingly sweet minute it would be.

___________________

On Candlenights Eve, the group cheerfully went separate directions in pursuit of Candlenights preparations. Nott and Jester excitedly headed for the markets to secure ingredients for a celebratory dinner. Caleb wondered dimly if he should send them with Caduceus, or perhaps a list of ingredients to make sure they came back with something resembling actual nourishment, but he decided that it would honestly be more exciting to just wait and see. He waved to them as the rest of the party walked in the opposite direction, headed to drop off their invitations.   
He fiddled nervously with the slips of paper folded in his hands. Maybe it would have been easier to just cast sending, but it wouldn’t have felt special, and after everything that the party had been through in the past year, a special holiday felt very needed.   
It wasn’t long before they had wound their way through the city, dropping off invitations for all the acquaintances they had made in their short time in Xorhas. Most looked confused or a little curious, and a few promised to stop by for a few moments. Soon, they only had one more card left to deliver, and it was the only response Caleb was really looking forward to.  
Approaching the Palace still felt a bit awkward, even though their faces were now recognized in the area. The guards immediately started casting glances at one another once they saw who was approaching.   
As the designated Xorhassian of the group, Yasha stepped forward to speak to them.  
“Is the Shadowhand available today? We would like to deliver something to him.”  
The guards blinked up at her stoically. “No entrance except by prior permission, sorry. Is the matter urgent? We can send a message for you.”  
Yasha looked back to the group, unsure of how to respond, and Beau picked up where she left off.   
“He’ll need it before tomorrow evening. If you can deliver it, that’s fine.”   
Yasha took the cue to hand over the invitation. The guards eyed it over, and gave a laugh. “Oh, yeah, urgent message, I can see that.”   
Yasha drew herself up even taller than before. “I’ll know, if you don’t see that he gets it.”  
The guards exchanged nervous looks, trying to determine if she was bluffing or not. Finally, the head guard shrugged. “Well, I don’t have anything better to do today. But if you’ll excuse us, my guards should be getting back to their patrol.”  
Yasha nodded, contented by their answer, and Beau made sure to give them a “thanks” dripping with sarcasm as they turned to meet the marketgoers.


	2. Unexpected

At the market, Caleb took a moment to slip away from the main group. As usual, he needed ink and paper, and didn’t want to bother the rest of the group with the mundanities of gathering spell components. He stepped into an arcane supply shop and allowed himself to enjoy the routine familiarity of the sharp smell of ink and the rustle of the parchments.   
As he measured them out, carefully counting exactly what he would need, he allowed his eyes to roam around the store. Besides the usual arcane supplies, the store was brimming with unfamiliar items that seemed designed specifically for the more dramatic Xorhasian tastes.   
Between a cabinet stuffed with sachets of pungent herbs and a display of oddly shaped crystal glass bottles, a shelf of handcrafted spell books caught his eye. A tome covered in a deep violet fabric with a bit of a shine- a dusting of gems, perhaps?- refracted the dim light, drawing his attention. He drew it out from the stacks and tilted it back and forth, noticing how it cast shards of multicolored light around him.  
It was captivating.  
It reminded him a little of someone he had just delivered an invitation to.   
He bought the notebook.  
No harm in a little candlenights gift exchange, right?  
As he stepped to the front of the market booth to make his purchases, he caught sight of the rest of the party and gave them a wave. Jester and Nott trotted over gleefully, carting a variety of packages. Caleb subtly removed a few of the parcels that looked like they were in danger of tipping over, adding them to his own bundles. As he counted out his payment for the shopkeeper, Jester’s eyes fell on the display of oddly shaped crystal bottles. She plucked a perfectly spherical one out of the case. “Ohhh, look at this bottle! It looks almost like the shape of a Candlenights ornament! I bet if we took it home we could paint it and put it on our tree!”   
Caleb nodded and counted out a few more pieces of silver, and they went on their way to finish preparing the Xorhaus for a holiday to remember.  
____________________

Even though it took some creativity, when everything was finished, it felt exactly like a Candlenights should feel. The morning buzzed with excitement in a way that it hadn’t since they were young.   
Caleb paused by the stairs to take in the scene of the early morning. Already, the house was full of the smell of warm spices, carried on the steam that wafted out of the kitchen where Caduceus was making some morning tea. Fjord was passing out mugs, relieved to hear that this particular blend was not derived from the graveyard.   
Even though there was no daylight to shine in through the windows, the house was full of a warm glow. Yasha had spent the morning lighting a welcoming fire, and for a rare moment, Caleb enjoyed the crackle of the wood, and the glow that reflected on Yasha’s wistful gaze, filling her face with color. Frumpkin was curled up on the hearthstones, soaking up the warmth, and allowing Yasha to run her fingers over his soft fur. It was peaceful enough that he was almost able to keep from feeling a familiar stab of discomfort at the sight of a fire in their home. But he reminded himself that today was a day for new memories, not old ones.   
Leaving his perch at his doorway, Caleb leaned over the kitchen table to see what project Jester and Nott were hunched over working on, and saw Jester’s watercolors strewn about. He eased his elbows onto the table, bumping Nott so that she would scoot over and make room for him. Jester held out their project for him to inspect.  
“Look! The bottle that we bought at the market yesterday makes a perfect ornament. I am painting it for Essek!”  
Caleb turned it back and forth in his hands, and almost got a little misty looking it over. His heart squeezed fondly at the thought of a gift exchange with Essek, everyone presenting the ornament to him, and perhaps taking him aside a little later and giving his own gift. He wondered what Essek would say, and if he would understand how much Caleb meant by such a small gesture.   
He wondered if Essek would understand exactly what Caleb couldn’t say, would see right into him with his keen eyes. He would see how he felt, and shake his head. Caleb’s heart fell as he imagined a look of disgust crossing Essek’s face, insulted that some disgraced Empire traitor would even dare call him friend, much less…  
Caleb did his best to swallow the lump that rose in his throat unbidden as he handed the glass bauble back to Jester. “You are as artistic as always; I am sure he will love it.”   
He could feel Nott’s eyes burning holes into him, even without turning his head to look at her.   
He wasn’t ready for whatever questions she might be about to ask.  
So before she could, he stood up from the table, perhaps a little too quickly, his hip bumping into it with a dull thud. He retreated to the entryway where he began to cast cantrips on random berries, making them light up like the string lights of Jester’s imagination, and listening to her coo in delight as the house began to twinkle. 

It wasn’t long before he heard the soft pad of Nott’s bare feet as she made her way over to him, perfectly timed so that they were tucked away in the entryway, just far enough away from anyone else that she could whisper to him without being heard.   
For a moment, he resisted turning around, before feeling the small tug at his scarf that he knew meant she had a question for him.   
“…Cay?”   
He bit off a sigh as he turned to look at her.   
“Ja, Schatz?”  
She was quiet for a moment, as if hoping that he would volunteer something, but he was silently trying to breathe out the anxiety that suddenly crowded the edge of his vision. Of course Nott could tell that something was off. But I don’t know what to say to her. I don’t even know the answer. Nothing should be wrong. I should be able to keep my own selfish wants out for just one day, and just have a normal holiday with the people I care about. Why can’t I just do that one simple thing?  
Nott’s small voice broke into his thoughts. “It just looks like there’s something on your mind.”  
His face was blank, wheels still churning, trying to figure out what had changed his mood, and how to stop it.   
“You know you can tell me, right?”   
He nodded, and she tilted her head knowingly.   
“Are you having a bad memory?”  
“Nein, everything is all right.”  
“It’s not, though- that’s okay. I’m glad it’s not a bad memory. But whatever it is, you can tell me. You can tell all of us, if you want.”  
He bent down to his knees, lowering himself to her level and pulling her in for a hug.   
“Ah, I do not deserve you, friend. Thank you for looking out for me. You always know when I need it.” He let her go. “I think perhaps I am nervous. It is foolish. I know I can fight beside you all, but to have a peaceful day is harder sometimes, I think.”   
Nott nodded knowingly.   
“Remember you don’t have to pretend around us, okay? We know you; you don’t have to try to put on a face.”   
“At least until company comes around, ja?”   
“Ohhhhhh.”  
They were quiet together for a moment.  
“Well, you know we’ll kick anybody’s butt if they upset you, Caleb.”  
That made him smile a bit, even if she perhaps misunderstood the problem a little.  
“Thank you, Nott.” He rose and made a show of brushing himself off, as if he could brush off any unhappiness away from them. “I am sure we will not need to do anything of the sort.” He gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “I am sure today is going to be perfect.”

_________________

Back at the office, Essek was distractedly listening to yet another leader of some small group try to prove that they, above all others, deserved- something. He hadn’t been paying quite enough attention to all the details. His mind had been a million miles away, pulled in a million different directions.   
Just that morning, a reconnaissance group had secured a parcel of coded documents from a threatening faction in the empire, and the council was hopeful that if they could be interpreted, they would give vital insight into the movements within the Empire well-hidden from even their own allies. There were the recently taken prisoners to be seen to; the guards could ask all they wanted, but few could wield the power of words to extract information like Essek could, and if they stood to to gain anything, that was another job he would have to do himself. And as urgent as that was, there was still the matter of unrest in their own lower districts, and the constant squabbles between dens, and the ever present responsibility of holding court beside the queen to listen to whatever grievances the citizens could dream up. Really, there must be some better way to handle this, but here they were, doing their level best to hand down judgment for every argument in the entire city.  
And of course, there was the one place Essek really wanted to be, approximately 3.2 miles away, in an old house with a tree growing out of the roof and spilling over with the most eclectic group of individuals this side of the Lucidian Ocean.   
Without moving his face from its practiced neutral mask, he forced his attention back to the matter at hand. The queen was handing down instructions for a compromise between two perpetually warring families, and no sooner had she finished this than she was gesturing him to accompany her to the dungeons, ready to begin interrogations.  
Essek allowed himself an invisible sigh. This was going to be a long day.  
___________________

Essek found he was having to fight to hold himself straight as he strode down the hall towards the interrogation chambers. He had long since resigned himself to another sleepless night. He wasn’t quite sure when the last time was that he had spent his evening at home, or gotten a full rest at all, for that matter. Of course times of unrest were always times of, well, unrest; he was well prepared for such exertions. Unfortunately, preparation did little to curb the throbbing that gathered in his temples or the slight waver that threatened his practiced gait, and he wondered vaguely when he had last paused for a glass of water.   
Turning around a corner, he caught sight of a familiar young drow walking towards him. It was Krim, who often acted as an assistant to him and other members of the Queen’s council. He had even accompanied him to meet members of the Empire retinue a few times, and was aware of their sensitive situation.  
He had the cheerful look of a young man on the way home for the weekend, gods bless and curse him.   
Essek waved him over.  
“Krim, you look well!”  
He nodded in thanks. “And yourself, Shadowhand. What can I do for you?”  
Ah, the never ending joy of having interns.  
“Actually, I was hoping you would do me a small favor this evening.”   
Krim had the almost guilty look of somebody caught having fun in the middle of a graveyard, where you know you’ve looked just a little more chipper than is appropriate, and immediately overcompensate.  
“…This evening, sir?”  
Essek nodded and fetched the invitation from a pocket in his robes. “Tonight, yes. Starting fairly soon, actually. You remember the group calling themselves the Mighty Nein, don’t you, Krim?”  
Krim immediately paled, and to be honest, Essek couldn’t really blame him.   
“They’ve sent an invitation to a small event hosted at their residence. This note indicates that they wish to perform an Empire tradition known as Candlenights, and it seems that this tradition necessitates gathering a number of receptive individuals at the time of celebration. Unfortunately, it seems I will not be able to put in an attendance myself, but I feel as if the palace ought to still be represented at the event. As you are already on good terms with the group, you are by far the most ideal candidate.”  
Krim eyed the small card doubtfully.  
“If it helps, Krim, I am led to believe there will be a dinner.”  
To his credit, the young assistant took the invitation with only the smallest begrudging sigh. “All right. I suppose you will be waiting for a full report on all I am able to learn about the tradition?”  
“When you have time, yes.” He rubbed a hand over his face, attempting to subtly scrub the sleep from his eyes. “I would go myself, but unfortunately I seem to find myself tied up in urgent matters here. Do give them my sincerest apologies, won’t you?”  
Krim nodded, suddenly eyeing him with a little too much insight. “And you… take care of yourself, all right?”   
Essek laughed dryly. “One point of exhaustion isn’t so bad. You’ll get used to it someday.” 

________________

Meanwhile, the Xorhaus had worked itself into a state of nervous excitement.   
Yasha was in the kitchen, attempting to direct the cooking of at least three different dishes. Maybe more, but it was hard to tell in the back and forth blur of five people bumping into one another, reaching across each other for utensils, and trying to keep up with her commands. They had never seen her take charge quite like this, but she was the only one among them who had experience in how to cook properly with Xorhassian ingredients, so they gladly rushed to do her bidding.   
Caleb was in the living area, frantically straightening and adjusting every odd and end he could find. Everything was going to be perfect. It had to be. He jumped at every tap or thud or knock he heard, meeting eyes with Nott every time. Was that the door?   
No, it was Fjord slamming the wrong cabinet shut. You’ll know when someone is here.  
Out of objects to adjust, Caleb began nervously worrying at the cantrips cast on their various decorations, tweaking the color, the brightness, anything to keep his mind occupied.  
8:02.  
Two whole minutes. It wasn’t like Essek to be late. He was always precise. Caleb liked that about him.   
8:03.   
Suppose he didn’t come at all? Suppose they waited and waited, wondering how cold they should allow the dinner to get. How disappointed would the others be? Would his own disappointment stand out too much?  
He tried without success to turn off the clock that lived at the back of his mind, pricking him just a little bit with every tick of the second hand.   
Knock, Knock.  
His head snapped up, and so did everyone else’s, which was a relief.   
Before anyone else could make a move for the door, he was already across the room, flinging it open to welcome inside…

“…Krim?”

Caleb kicked himself internally as he felt his face fall for just a split second.  
“I’m so glad you could make it! Dinner is almost ready, why don’t you come inside?”  
Thankfully, the guest was caught up in greetings as he stepped through the door, and didn’t turn around to notice as Caleb stood looking out the door, a little deflated, as if there was still someone else outside.   
This time, it was Beau who caught his eye just a little bit before he was able to turn his company demeanor back on. She raised an eyebrow at him, and looked like she was about to step towards him.  
Caleb made his escape before she could. He grinned brightly at Krim, offering to take his coat, immediately settling into the familiar role of host and educator. He made small talk, asking after Krim’s family (he had one little girl already, and another on the way, and all were well, thank you), asking after affairs at the council (I can’t say much, of course, but we might have a few matters of interest to discuss later), asking after neighbors and city events and news and any other friendly chatter.  
All in all, it wasn’t unpleasant. Krim was an honestly kind young man. Perhaps he hadn’t quite learned the stern demeanor of his compatriots yet, or perhaps his personality was just a little more affable. He returned each question with another, and seemed eager to take note of each new custom.   
Unfortunately for Caleb, this also meant a lot of small talk he had not been anticipating, specifically with a guest he had not been anticipating, and he found himself slowly growing quiet as he let the others step in, continuing the conversation while they trailed out of the kitchen.   
He was annoyed with himself as he felt his own nerves fraying thin. You have no reason to be disappointed, Widowgast. Get over yourself already. Put a smile on. (That bit was easier said than done.)   
Essek had no reason to come, anyway. He surely has better things to do than come to a dinner for a holiday he doesn’t celebrate.  
He has better things to spend his time on than you.

This time, he was rescued by Yasha’s voice coming out of the kitchen, carrying the final dish. It was a pastry made by her and Jester, stuffed with slices of some sort of sweet squash. The smell reminded him of the pumpkin pies that they used to serve back in Rexxentraum, and that more than anything brought him back to himself.   
Fjord and Caduceus sat on either side of him. He enjoyed feeling their presence close by. To his right, Fjord was laughing and retelling a story of a Candlenights at sea, when his crew had been doing all they could to keep the candles lit, but there was a terrible storm that day that kept drenching them and putting out the flames. It sounded more uncomfortable than anything, but to hear Fjord tell it, it had been the best Candlenights in recorded history.   
Jester recounted how special Candlenights had been at the Chateau. It had always been packed, with even the most reclusive souls seeking out a little bit of hospitality and entertainment for the grandest day of the year. The Ruby always had special songs to sing, of course, and managed to find a little something special for her little Sapphire, too.  
Yasha didn’t have many memories of Candlenights, since she herself was from Xorhas and hadn’t celebrated it until recently herself. But she still remembered her first year. It was when she had just met Molly, and he had declared “To hell with candles. I’m a fire juggler, I can put on a much better show than that.” And he had, of course. That memory hurt a bit to share, but it was good, too.   
It felt nice to just listen. Each person had a story of a favorite memory tucked away somewhere, and drinking them in felt warmer even than the mugs of spiced wine that Beau had prepared. They were still trying to get her to admit how good she was at it, how much she even enjoyed doing things like that. She always made things better, added her own touch, and then brushed it off like it was nothing. Currently, she was trying to hide an anxious glance at anyone who had taken a sip, until Yasha turned to her and gave her a silent nod of approval.   
Caleb decided it would be best to get up and go to the kitchen for a refill before it seemed like his turn to share a memory. He rose and made his excuses, ducking into the kitchen and reaching for the pitcher. It’s not that he didn’t have any good memories to share. Gods know his parents had done everything they could; even if they had been poor enough, there had still been plenty of cheer. And the village where they lived always came together to sing a song at midnight. But he missed the way the candlelight looked on the gathered faces when they would sing. It made his stomach do strange gymnastics that he couldn’t quite interpret. Something between grief and longing and beauty and just something that he didn’t quite want to deal with right now, and that was very much not what he wanted to bring to a friendly dinnertable conversation, especially one involving someone he wasn’t close to.   
Suddenly, he felt a mischievous presence enter the room with him.   
“Nott, I can see you smiling at me over my shoulder. Wizards have eyes in the back of our heads, you know.”   
“Caaaaaaaleeeeeb.”   
“What do you want from me, you are trying to scare me, I think.”   
“First of all, you don’t have eyes in the back of your head. I have learned many spells from you and I would know if you had that.”   
“You don’t get them until third level, I am sorry. Would you like to learn how?” “Caaaleeeeeb!!”   
He turned around to the sight of Nott hanging off the cabinets, very close to his face.  
To his credit, he only jumped back a little.   
“How did you get there?”  
“You would know if you had Wizard Eyes. Anyway, I know why you were all nervous earlier now.”  
“Yes?”  
“And I know why you were disappointed to see Krim, too.”  
“I was not disappointed to see him. He is a friend and a very pleasant young man, and I am glad he accepted an invitation to dinner.”  
“Okay, but you wanted to see somebody else, though. And also, because I am a genius, I know why you took Jester’s side, over me, your best friend, and bet on Fjord the day that we scried on Essek. And because I am Nott the Best Detective, I know what all of this means put together. You, Caleb Widowgast, have a crush.”  
Caleb silently cursed every red blood cell in his body, and they cursed him in return by running to his face, undoing his chance of playing this with any dignity.  
“I am sorry, but your solution is incorrect. I do not have a crush, Nott, though it was a good guess.”  
Hanging from the cabinets by only her legs, she reached over to sandwich his face between her hands. “Caleb. Caleb. Caleb. Listen to me. No, no, repeat after me. I, Caleb Widowgast,”   
Caleb muttered. He might as well get this over with.   
“I, Caleb Widowgast.”  
“Am allowed to have emotions!”  
“Please, can we be finished with this exercise.”  
“Say it!”  
“………… am allowed to have emotions”  
“and I can tell my friends about them,”  
“und I can tell my friends about them”  
“Including about my big, cute, obvious crush on Essek.”  
Caleb glared at her. “Anything else?”  
“And even after I get together with Essek I promise I’ll still spend more time with my best friend Nott, who is totally more cool and awesome, because she is my best friend!”  
He rolled his eyes at her, but this time he was laughing as he repeated,   
“I promise I’ll still spend more time with my best friend Nott, who is totally more cool and awesome, because she is my best friend. Who is about to fall off of the   
cabinets.”  
She landed with a soft plop.  
Beau’s voice rang from the dining room. “Are you two okay in there?”  
“The wine got cold and Caleb is helping me heat it back up!”  
“Okay, make sure you don’t singe the cinnamon, do you know how to heat it right?”  
“I’m an alchemist, Beau, I know more about not harming the ingredients than you do!”  
Beau yelled back indignantly. “You blow things up constantly! If I hear any sparks I’m confiscating your kitchen privileges!”  
Caleb handed the warmed mugs back to Nott, who winked at him as she scurried out of the room.  
________________

When they got back from the kitchen, Krim was starting to stand up. “Friends, I suppose it’s about time for me to give your evening back to you. I can’t thank you enough for letting me participate tonight.”  
Jester immediately launched away from the table to give their guest an enthusiastic goodbye hug. “I am so happy that you finally came over to visit us! Happy Candlenights!”   
“And I hope you all have a happy Candlenights as well.”  
There were goodbyes all around, and as Caduceus came around the table, he handed a small wrapped package to Krim. “If you see him before we do, could you do us a favor and make sure Essek gets this?”  
“The palace is on my way home. I’ll drop it off as I go.”  
Caduceus smiled. “We very much enjoyed your company. You’ll have to come by the next time we have a dinner, all right?”   
Krim began to nod and wave as he let himself out, only flinching a little bit as Caduceus sent his beetles over to open the door.


	3. Scrooge, Reformed

Krim had lost track of the time during the evening of celebrating, and by the time the door to the palace offices slowly creaked open, it was nearing the middle of the night. His footsteps echoed through empty rooms, and here and there he caught sight of an over-worker hunched over their desk, falling asleep between piles upon piles of urgent tasks.  
As he predicted, Essek was among them. He and the queen both remained in her private office, away from public eye. Krim hovered at the entrance, unnoticed for a moment.  
The queen had removed most of her regalia, and sat in her simple, stately robes, squinting at a parchment of coded text, trying to coax out its secrets. Essek’s usually dignified, straight-backed posture had devolved into an exhausted slouch. His head bobbed in and out of half sleep as he slowly scrawled a series of indecipherable notes.  
Krim knocked quietly on the open door to give notice of his entrance, and watched as Essek shook himself more fully awake, reaching for a forgotten glass of water across his table.  
“Ah. Good… evening. Evening?” He paused, frowning. “Or. You aren’t back because it’s morning, are you?”  
“Just dropping by to see if you wanted a report on the evening. Though it might as well be morning, for how late it is.” He silently congratulated himself for resisting the urge to nag his boss to go home and sleep.  
Essek stifled a yawn. “thank you, but I think that can wait.” He gestured to the papers strewn about the table. “We seem to have no shortage of urgent matters here tonight.”  
Krim nodded before handing over the parcel he was sent to deliver.  
“I will just leave you with this, then.”  
Essek turned it over in his hand, allowing slight confusion to show on his face.  
“I believe they meant for you to open it right away, sir.”  
“What is it?”  
Krim raised an eyebrow. “I think it’s meant to be a surprise.”  
“Hm. Well, they’re lucky it’s after-hours, then. Sending unknown parcels into the middle of the palace complex is normally frowned upon. But if you trust it, I’ll let it pass.”  
As he undid the ribbon holding the package closed, it revealed a small glass ball covered in brightly colored paint. It bore an image portraying the residents of the Xorhaus. It was a strange image; some of them were shown wearing strangely shaped hats, or garishly printed clothing, unlike anything he had seen them show a preference for (except maybe Jester). As he looked closer, he saw that there was a tiny picture of him in the middle of them all, standing together. That’s when he noticed the words neatly scripted on the other side of the bauble. They read, “First Candlenights Together!”

Essek stared at it, feeling strangely emotional at the sight. He fought the desire to look over at Krim for an explanation, feeling a lump rising in his throat. He hated reacting like this. It was entirely undignified.  
“It seemed important to them, sir.”  
Essek regarded him silently.  
“I know there’s plenty to be done here, but maybe it would be all right to spend a few moments outside these halls. I could be wrong, but I believe these papers will still be here tomorrow?”  
Essek rested his cheek in his hands as he looked resignedly at all the work they had left to do. “I wish I had the moments to spare. But I’m sure they’ll understand. You had a good evening with them?”  
As Krim nodded, he noticed that the queen had affixed Essek with a discerning look. “Shadowhand, how long have you been at work today?”  
With a grimace, Essek began to count under his breath before giving up and mumbling something noncommittal about work to be done.  
“Essek, I don’t want to command you as your queen, but I will if I have to. Go see your friends,” She glanced over the dark circles around his eyes. “And don’t come back until you’ve slept.”  
_________________

Blearily, Essek rose to his feet, fighting a moment of vertigo. He held his head higher than he needed to, attempting to shake off the embarrassment of allowing himself to be seen in a vulnerable position.  
He took stock of the situation. It was very late, certainly far later than the invitation had allowed for, and it might be rude to come now. Perhaps he should just go back to his chambers and send Krim later to make apologies.  
But his mind couldn’t let go of Jester’s painting of the group of them, him planted in the middle, looking like he belonged. He was being ridiculous, just the product of an exhaustion addled brain, of course he knew that. Most likely, she was only being nice and it was just a tradition and it really didn’t mean anything. But the more he considered it, the more being there sounded like the only thing in the world he wanted right now. He felt himself even leaning towards the house as he walked, like every cell in his body was pulling him there.  
Perhaps if he hurried, he could at least make it to the house before midnight, and if nothing else it would still be the day listed on the invitation. Sure, it would be rude, but at least it would technically still be the holiday. He could still make it.  
His steps picked up speed against the stones of empty streets. If he could just push a little faster, maybe he wouldn’t let them down altogether. He could still be a part of something special with them.  
The faster he walked, the more he really, really regretted not just accepting that invitation in the first place. He mentally kicked himself. Could he really not let go of his own goals for just one day? Just long enough to share one small thing with these people who had, against all good reason, moved to make a space for him in their lives before he had even asked? 

Soon, he had to stop and catch his breath. He was used to adjusting his steps to look imposing, not to transport him at a top clip. As he took in a few lungfuls of air, he briefly considered just trying to teleport to the Xorhaus, but gave up the idea as quickly as he had it. There was no way he could successfully cast such a labor intensive spell in his current state of exhaustion. But as he rounded a corner, his heart gave a tiny leap. There, in the distance, he could see the lights from the Xorhaus tree. He took a breath. He was so close. Maybe he hadn’t messed this up after all.  
__________________

Essek slowed and collected himself as he rounded the corner, approaching the house. For a moment, it looked exactly how it had any other day. It was chaotic, and it always looked out of place, but it always looked like a good place, too. It was welcoming, and the chaos spoke of acceptance and friendship that went beyond anything to be found across all of Xorhas. He allowed it to welcome him, taking a breath and letting himself lean into the familiarity of it.  
He didn’t want to ruin the moment by barging in with his energy all wrecked, or anything.

Tonight, there was something about the house that he couldn’t quite describe.  
He heard a voice faintly drifting from the rooftop, and quietly let himself up the steps to get a closer look.

As he came within sight of the upper floor, the scene he saw there took his breath away.  
The rooftop garden was glowing. Tiny, blinking globules of light shifted to and fro, winking at him from behind leaves and casting a soft, starlike gleam. Immediately, his eyes were drawn toward the tree. An illusion covered it, creating the appearance of a tree with leaves that looked like needles- he thought he had heard it called a pine? It was festooned with decorations. Small bows of ribbon and chains of paper peeked out from its lower boughs, and on every branch there was a tiny candle flickering with magical light.  
From beneath the tree, he could just make out the sound he had heard from below. A quiet, clear voice was drifting out over the cold night air. 

Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht,  
alles schlaft, einsam wacht…

Heat rose to Essek’s cheeks as he listened. He didn’t recognize the words, but he would have recognized the lilting Zemnian anywhere. Still hidden in the shadows cast by the lights of the tree, he allowed himself a small smile. His heart gave a sudden squeeze, and he had to bite his tongue to keep from doing something stupid, like give himself away before the song ended. 

… Schlafe in himmlischer Ruh,  
Schlafe in himmlischer Ruh. 

A peaceful silence fell in the wake of his voice, settling over the rooftop like a blanket of snow. At that moment, the absolutely traitorous wooden steps beneath his feet gave a creak, revealing his position.  
Startled, Caleb turned towards the stairway, and Essek caught his breath again, seeing the way the lights from the tree cast his face in a soft glow. Tiny, bright points of flame reflected in his eyes. The shadows highlighted each of his strong features, but his face didn’t look sharp or harsh, just… beautiful, Essek thought. He blessed the dark midnight, and then double-blessed humans for not having dark vision to see the embarrassingly tender face he was absolutely sure he was making. 

Gathering himself, he stepped up into the garden. “I never realized you have such a beautiful voice.” He felt his eyes bug out a little bit as he immediately began to talk too quickly, hoping Caleb wouldn’t read too much into that little unwise comment if he didn’t give him time to do so. “I mean to say. I’ve come for Candlenights. If you’ll have me. I am sorry I did not come to dinner this evening. I should have made time for you. And, I did not even bring a gift to repay what you all so kindly sent to me, I am sorry that I missed this day with you-“  
He was cut off by Caleb stepping around the tree and drawing Essek into a hug. Caught off guard, he allowed himself to be present in the unexpected embrace only for a second before carefully drawing back just far enough so that Caleb would not be able to feel how fast his heart was beating. He was shocked, but almost worried, too. Caleb had never acted like this around him before, and he wasn’t sure how to respond.  
He stood with one hand left around Caleb’s waist, and with the other hand he fidgeted with Caleb’s collar, trying to gain a glimpse into his brain, until the silence was broken.  
“You did not miss this day, Essek. It is exactly 11:59, so it is still Candlenights.” He smiled. “Fröliche Kerzennacht, friend. I am… I am so glad that you are here.” He drew back too, just until he could look into Essek’s face. “And as for the gift, while bringing something is traditional, I…” He ducked his head, looking almost shy for a moment, if such a thing were possible. “I do assure you that now that you are here, I myself have received everything I could want.”  
Essek felt dizzy. He was exhausted, and messy, and in awe of the strange beauty of this place, and trying desperately to keep his cool when he was closer to Caleb than he had ever been before, and he was saying that he wanted him here. His brain felt like someone was trying to stick a tape in a broken VHS slot. None of it made sense. It didn’t make sense that somehow, these people wanted him around. He couldn’t understand how they seemed to be so unrelentingly joyful, how they seemed always ready to trust one another, and even him, even though they barely knew him.  
It didn’t make sense that, even through the haze of not having slept in days, this strange little house covered in candles and songs could be the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.  
But for the first time, maybe it didn’t need to make sense.  
He couldn’t believe how much time he had wasted.  
Maybe it would have been different if he was his normal self, collected and presented exactly so, but right now, he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

Before he could stop himself, he was pulling on Caleb’s collar, and leaning in to kiss him. 

In one terrifying instant, a hundred alarm bells went off in his head as he felt Caleb stiffen with surprise. He shouldn’t have done this. Not now. Not yet. Not while he was tired and not thinking straight, he shouldn’t have trusted his instinct, he should have thought this through, he should have talked about it with Caleb first, how could he possibly-  
And then the alarms fell silent as he felt Caleb pressing back into the kiss. It was just the tiniest fraction of an inch, but it was enough.  
It was enough, and it was perfect.  
When Caleb leaned away to look at him, he cracked a smile, and then a laugh bubbled up, and then they were both laughing, the type of giddy giggle that comes from so much exhaustion and emotion and surprise that you don’t know whether to laugh or cry.  
Caleb pulled him into another kiss, which didn’t feel quite as nice as the first one because they were both smiling so much they could barely get their lips to meet, but it felt like sharing joy.  
Caleb’s eyes blinked open as they parted. “Well. Hallo to you too.”  
A hundred ideas fought to come tumbling out of Essek all at once, and as he tried to find the right thing to say. In the end, he just fumbled, “I… like you?”  
Caleb raised an eyebrow and deadpanned,”you are always so articulate, Shadow Hand.” He cracked a grin. “And also, I like you quite a bit as well.”  
Essek closed his eyes and pursed his lips together, embarrassed. “That’s- ha- that’s not exactly how I meant to say that. Any chance you could forget that and let me try again?”  
Caleb shook his head. “I am sorry, but I do have a very keen memory. I could not forget that even if I wanted to, and I very much do not want to.”  
Essek narrowed his eyes in mock anger until Caleb spoke up again. “Do you want to come downstairs? Most everyone is asleep I think, but there is some hot chocolate in the kitchen.” He worried at his lip. “Unless- unless you need to be going back? I know you are very busy this evening. I should not keep you away.”  
Essek shook his head firmly. “I can stay. Of course I can stay.” He laughed at himself. “Actually, the Bright Queen may have forbidden me to return until I’ve slept. I suppose I can get a bit too carried away.” 

Essek watched as Caleb moved his hands through the air methodically, and the lights in the garden winked out one by one until only the starlight was left to illuminate his face.  
Caleb took his hand to lead him downstairs. “Gut. Come inside, then. There’s nothing half as good as hot chocolate for tired bones.”  
_____________

The house was completely dark as Caleb pushed him through it in front of him, guiding him to the kitchen. More than once they missed a corner or the edge of a piece of furniture, and Essek would bump into it with a the sound of a scrape and a surprised oof. (With Caleb behind him, moving him through the house, Essek may have neglected to mention that he had immaculate dark vision. But in all fairness, Mr. Very Keen Memory may have neglected to mention that he was probably already well aware of that fact.)  
By the time they had collided with what seemed like every available obstacle and were approaching the kitchen, both of them were suppressing laughter, trying to avoid waking anyone up. “Caleb,” Essek hissed. “Why can’t you just cast some light in here?”  
“I used all my spell slots decorating.”  
“You and I both know you used cantrips!”  
Caleb gave him a final shove through the doorway to the kitchen and the lamps flared to life. Essek noticed a faint but delightful smell, sweet and soothing.  
Caleb began to fill two mugs, methodically warming them with minuscule flames from his hands. “Do you have hot chocolate here very often? Caduceus made this from scratch with supplies he was carrying from home. Him and his tea. Even in the Empire I suppose this is something of a luxury, but it cannot be Kerzennacht without it.”  
The mugs began to steam enticingly, and he handed one to Essek, blowing on it just a little bit.  
Just holding the mug, Essek felt warmed pleasantly from his hands to the very tips of his long ears. “We have various teas of course, but this particular beverage is new to me.”  
When he took a curious sip, he had to close his eyes for a moment. He had been expecting some sort of herbal concoction, perhaps slightly honey-sweet, but this was beyond anything Xorhas had come up with. It was rich and thick with foam, creamy, but sweeter than any honey, too. Underneath it all there was something a little bit bitter and maybe pleasantly spicy that he didn’t quite recognize, but he took a moment to silently question whether he was really on the right side of things, if one side was getting mugs of this annually.  
“Well? What do you think?”  
He clutched the cup to his chest and shivered as he felt the hot chocolate warming him up from the inside out.  
“Caleb. If this is your tradition, then I think I understand why Candlenights is so important to you all.” 

At the kitchen table, Caleb snapped his fingers and reached into the pockets of his coat. “I almost forgot. I have one more thing for you.”  
He drew out a beautifully handmade notebook from the arcane markets, and tilted it so that the cover cast tiny crystals of light through the room, scattering the glow of the berry garland into a thousand shifting points of light.  
“Caleb, thank you. It’s beautiful.”  
“Well, it made me think of you.”

Yasha’s Julklotz fire had burned down to the last few glowing embers as the two of them settled into a seat by the hearth. Caleb made a muted “tch” sound, and out of nowhere Frumpkin appeared to curl up in his lap. He bent down to scratch behind Frumpkin’s ears. Essek couldn’t help but notice how the fire reflected off the hair hanging loose about his face, looking for all the world like a thin halo of sparks.  
Frumpkin began walking around in circles, claiming Essek’s lap for a place to spend the night, apparently. Caleb smiled. “It looks like Frumpkin missed you. Oh? What is that, Katze? You think the esteemed Mr. Shadowhand should come around more often? Ja, that is very astute. Thank you for your wisdom. Essek, you will not disappoint him, will you?”  
Essek gave a small shake of his head. His eyelids were growing heavier by the moment. With the adrenaline from earlier in the evening wearing off, and the soothing chocolate making its way through his system, and the warmth of the embers and of Frumpkin’s purr, he could already feel sleep gathering around the corners of his vision. But as tired as he was, he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so perfectly content.  
His head bobbed as his exhaustion crept up to overtake him, and Caleb reacted just in time to steady the mug that still held the remnants of his hot chocolate, keeping him from tipping it over.  
Seeing that Essek was on the verge of sleep, he reached to undo the clasp of the Shadowhand’s elaborate outer cloak, and spread it across the two of them for a blanket. Underneath, he wore a simple set of robes that resembled what Empire fashion would refer to as a shift dress. Caleb’s eyes were drawn to a dusting of light freckles across Essek’s shoulders. On his dark skin, they stood out like tiny stars.  
Caleb took a deep breath, momentarily wishing he had the foresight to cast fortune’s favor on himself earlier in the day, before making up his mind to do something bold. If morning came and melted this all away, he could live with that.  
Gently, he ran his thumb over the freckles scattered on Essek’s collarbones, before pressing just the lightest kiss in between the constellations. “You have been unfair to me. You did not tell me you were so beautiful.”  
Essek’s voice was barely audible as he replied in a whisper. “Be careful acting like that, Mr. Widowgast, or you just might make me fall in love with you.”  
“Go ahead.”

Before he could say anything else, he looked down to see that Essek was already asleep, with his head leaning on his shoulder.

____________________

When Caleb blinked awake the next morning, he almost couldn’t tell what time it was. The events of the last night quickly came flooding back to him as he realized that sometime in the middle of the night, the two of them had shifted so that he was just barely propped up against the cushions, and Essek was lying across him, resting against his chest as if it were his own personal pillow. It took every ounce of Caleb’s willpower not to reach down and run his fingers through Essek’s bright white hair. But he tried to move as little as possible, reluctant to wake him, remembering how exhausted he had been last night.  
From the corner of the room, he heard a soft clink. He glanced over to see if something had fallen and was startled to see Beau sitting in the corner. Without a word she raised her glass towards him in a gesture of cheers, downed it, and walked out of the room without a sound.  
Well, that was Beau for you. 

Caleb enjoyed the calm of the morning for just a little bit longer, making sure to commit every moment of it to memory perfectly. It wasn’t long before the house began to fill with the background noise of people waking up. Soon, the sound of something sizzling came from the kitchen. Caduceus had made his way downstairs and was frying something for breakfast that smelled pleasantly savory.  
He wasn’t sure if Cad had noticed the two of them on the way down. He was perceptive, but he also wasn’t the type to say anything, even if he had.  
Before too long, Essek began to stir, too. As he slowly opened his eyes, Caleb watched him go through the same mental calculations he himself had just been through, remembering why he wasn’t waking up in his own home. He looked up at Caleb with a yawn.  
“Good morning.”  
“Good morning yourself.”  
“Thank you for letting me stay here last night. I am sorry to have fallen asleep so soon.”  
Caleb realized belatedly that he probably looked like a mess after staying the night in the couch. Essek certainly did. His robes were rumpled, and his usually immaculate hair was all sticking out to one side. Still, Caleb wasn’t sure he had ever seen him look more beautiful.  
“Would you like to stay for breakfast?”  
Essek accepted, and Caleb helped him back into his cloak. Once they had both straightened up a bit, they made their way to the table. Graciously, no one else had come down for breakfast yet. As much as Caleb loved his friends, he wasn’t quite sure how the whole group might react if he started out the morning by leading a sleepy Essek unannounced into a room full of all of them.  
As it was, they filtered down slowly, following the promising scent of a morning meal.  
Jester appeared first, bounding down the stairs the instant she saw Essek sitting at the table. “Esseeeeek! I am so glad you are here! I missed you so much! Oh this means you can have a special Candlenights breakfast with us too! Does Caduceus know you are here? I will make sure there is something special for you! Caduceus!”  
As quickly as she had come through, she swooped into the kitchen to follow through on her promise of digging up something special. Caleb certainly wondered what that might be.  
Caduceus and Fjord peeked out of the kitchen and gave a wave. “Good morning Essek!” “I’m glad you could make it!”  
With that, the rest of the house was gathered shortly. Nott kicked at Caleb’s legs under the table when she saw him sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with Essek, and began trying to communicate something with an increasingly complex series of expressions. Caleb kicked her back, hoping that Essek hadn’t noticed the facial gymnastics.  
Caduceus had allowed a traditional candlenights meal the night before, with poultry and all the trimmings, but today he was back to his familiar vegetarian meals. He passed around a plate stacked with thin, fried strips of some sort of squash, with a crisp and savory coating. It was delicious; it really did add something special to the meal. And that was before Jester skipped out of the kitchen carrying a tray of sweet bread. She had made it using leftovers from last night’s feast, covering the dish with a sticky sweet syrup and handfuls of chopped nuts. Everyone took a turn complimenting the chefs, and Essek listened good-naturedly as the Nein settled into another round of Candlenights stories.  
When their plates were emptied, he rose from the table. “I am afraid I really must be getting back, although it was very good to see everyone. I thank you all for your hospitality, and doubly so for the delightful gift you sent me last night. But before I go…” he stopped to take a deep breath, and extended a hand to Caleb. “Would you join me for a walk?”  
Caleb felt himself immediately flush as every head in the room whipped towards him. He had to fight down a flood of embarrassment before taking Essek’s hand, but as he did, the feeling drained away. In its place it left only a calm certainty that accompanied them as they crossed the threshold and shut the door behind them with a click.

___________________

As they walked side by side, the two remained silent for a long time. Caleb could think of a hundred things he might like to say, but he wanted Essek to direct the conversation. He knew how he felt, and if Essek needed time to figure out exactly where he wanted to go with that, it was all right with him.  
Meanwhile, Essek was mentally kicking himself, finding that he was once again fumbling around for the right words. He spoke diplomatically with nobles all the time without ever needing to second-guess himself. Why was it so hard to say something directly to someone he cared for?  
As Caleb watched his brow furrow, he became increasingly worried, and finally stopped. “You know, if you don’t want to talk about last night, that’s all right. We don’t have to mention it.”  
Essek gave a sigh of — relief? — before turning towards him. “Actually, that is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about.”  
Caleb’s face fell. “Oh. I understand.”  
Essek’s eyes widened as he felt his stomach drop through the floor. “Wait, no, that’s not what I meant- No, I, I mean, I only meant to tell you that I meant what I said. The truth is, I really do feel for you, most sincerely. I am just- I don’t know how to say so. Not like you deserve. But I do.” He fell silent, trying to judge if the look on Caleb’s face was relief or not. “I’m afraid I sound like a bit of a jerk right now.”  
Caleb shrugged. “At this point, ‘we are all assholes’ is practically our motto. All I know is that when all of us are together, we are better. And…” He reached down and took Essek’s hand. “And I want that with you, too. I want to see what the two of us could become. Forgive me if it’s too soon to say so, but- I do want that. Together.”  
Essek smiled, returning his grasp. “It’s settled then. Together.”  
Caleb pulled him into an embrace, feeling the giddy feeling of last night coming bubbling back up. “Shadowhand, this will not hurt your reputation, will it?”  
Essek’s voice darkened just for a second. “That does not matter anymore. Not like I thought it did.” He raised an eyebrow and the storm seemed to pass from his face. “And besides, surely you know that there is nothing half so good for a man’s reputation as a little bit of healthy gossip.”  
Caleb crossed his arms jokingly. “Well, if I must be the object of your scandal.”  
Essek bowed, matching his tone. “I assure you I will make it well worth your time, Handsome Stranger.”  
This time as they walked, they linked arm in arm.  
“So, when can I see you again?”  
Caleb tilted his head, considering. “As a matter of fact, there is another Empire holiday coming up very soon. We will be celebrating the new Solar Year. We might do another dinner?”  
“You know, you don’t have to have a holiday to see me. Or any excuse at all, for that matter. Certainly not now.”  
Caleb looked pleased. “Perhaps tonight, then?”  
Essek nodded. “Tonight.”

_________________

Caleb walked him the rest of the way to the palace complex, and was for once blissfully unaware of the suspicious glances the guards threw in his direction. He had a brief moment of panic wondering if Essek would want any shows of affection so close to his own sphere, but the questions were quelled when Essek leaned over and gave him a short, chaste kiss before walking through the gates, waving.

This time, he was well aware of the utterly bewildered looks on every guard’s face. He did his best impression of Beau’s patented shit-eating grin as he walked away.

He barely felt the time he spent on the walk home. He was nervous, of course, but there probably wouldn’t be a day when that wasn’t true. For now, he let his mind wander to possibilities that he had rarely dared to consider.

He came back to himself with his hand on the doorknob of the Xorhaus, closing it behind him, and turning to see-

-everyone still gathered at the table, a hush falling on a loud conversation he had barely registered from outside the house.  
Every single one of them had him fixed firmly in a questioning look.  
He knew they would be expecting him to recount the details on what had just passed. But for now….

He fished through his pockets and drew out one gold piece, shrugged, and stepped forward to place it on the table, before immediately fleeing to his room, pursued by the single loudest collection of hoops and hollers and congratulations and I-told-you-so’s that he thought he had ever heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading; I hope you've enjoyed my first-ever fic! Everyone's response has been so welcoming and kind. 
> 
> Thank you also to my best friend magpiebee for encouraging me to finish this, inviting me to post it, and listening to me yell about holiday headcanons way back in June, months before Christmas reared its glittery head. 
> 
> If you enjoyed, check back in January, because I'm working on a Shadowgast Spies AU set during the cold war, and it's gonna be a fun one.
> 
> I would love to hear what you thought, and hey, happy Candlenights! Whatever time of year you're seeing this, I know you have something to celebrate: it's you. You're awesome.


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